It was 2am when I woke up with intense feelings of remorse, regret and sadness. I was feeling absolutely horrible. I stared towards the ceiling as I laid in bed, the darkness surrounding me and the quietness permeating the air. Tears began falling down my face as I had suggested to myself that I was a failure.
This was at a time in my life where I had began emotional recovery from my experience with lupus and end stage renal disease. It was apparent that I kept blaming myself for not having information that would keep me healthy. I kept beating myself up for not being where I wanted to be in my life despite the setbacks which I felt at the time were not in my control. Yet, at the same time I just felt I should have been able to do more and better.
I eventually got to realize that carrying that baggage of guilt and being negatively stuck in the past was only hindering me from completing certain personal goals for myself.
It was at this time that I realized that I just needed to forgive myself for being so hard on myself.
Many of us may go through a time where we must forgive ourselves. Your reason(s) may be different from mine. For example:
* You may have exchanged damaging words during an argument with a close friend or relative that you just wish you could take back.
*You may have felt guilt for having more materialistic things than a less fortunate person.
*You may have experienced the passing of a loved one and felt that maybe you could’ve done something to help prolong their time on this earth.
Whether your reason seems to be big or small the important thing is that you must release whatever is ailing your heart and mind so you can move on with your life. Being stuck in the negative repetitive thoughts and emotions of the past will only keep you there and hold you back from future success and blessings.
The following method that I would like to share with you all is the very thing that worked for me to remove this almost daily-recurring blockage:
~THE EXERCISE METHOD
- Find soft loving instrumental music that really tugs at the heart strings and set the mood. This is so you can focus on the words you will be saying.
- Stand in front of a mirror.
- Smile. Close your eyes and focus on the center of your chest (focus your attention there by feeling it or put your hands over it. You can also visualize a heart symbol in green).
- Relax with the music for 20 seconds.
- Take 9 deep belly breaths. (In through your nose, belly expands. Out through your mouth, belly contracts.)
- Open your eyes.
- Smile even wider (showing teeth!) for about 9 seconds.
- Then bring the smile down just a tad. With a pleasant demeanor and with those feelings of love and care, say the following script as if you’re speaking to another person, but really, it is directed to yourself in the mirror:
“I apologize for any negative things I’ve done to you. I may or may not have done it deliberately, however, in this moment in time, I release all of those doings. I forgive you. I love you.” (say it at least 9 times)
That’s it! It’s a very, very simple thing you can say to yourself. Remember to say it with all the feelings of love and care you have, whether it’s a lot or a little!
~GRATITUDE. When you are done if you are spiritual or religious you can thank the Universe, Spirit or whomever it is that you worship or revere. You should also thank yourself for taking the time to heal.
~JOURNAL. How do you feel? Do you need more time to go through this? What else are you holding on to that you’d like to release?
~COMPLETION. Wrap up your healing session with something that makes you genuinely feel good. I would suggest finding something funny or pleasant to watch/read right after you complete this exercise. You can also simply do something positive that you truly love to do such as engage in a fun hobby (painting, dancing, etc.) or call up a friend or family member and do something fun together.
The goal is to keep the positive feelings flowing! 🙂
You can ALWAYS revisit saying this affirmation (and if possible the entire exercise). It is okay if it takes more than doing it once before seeing results. If ever those old negative feelings come up, refer back to the affirmation and utilize it. Remember, it took more than just a minute to get you to the point where you needed to self-forgive. So with that being said, give yourself the honor of time, patience and self-care in order to allow yourself to heal completely. All of us have different paths in life. Embrace yours and continue on your healing journey!